AN EXPLANATION OF SORTS

 

I practiced Buddhist meditation, primarily zazen, for forty years, and Theosophical meditation for almost twenty. I was raised and educated in Roman Catholicism. I have a PhD in Depth Psychology (Jungian). The result of all this is a kind of “zen mind,” which is not necessarily desirable in Western culture and society. This “zen mind” of mine is a strange one, for I also took a lot of LSD, which also turned out to be a strong spiritual path while it and I lasted. So there is a quite mystical, Jungian, Gnostic, Catholic aspect within me. These various backgrounds express themselves; I’m not so “zen” as I purport to be. In my living room is a Russian Orthodox icon of Jesus, to whom I have spoken (yes, prayed) many times and still do, though I claim to be a “non-believer”; my rational mind cannot conceive of believing, however, as a child, I believed. Catholicism is a mystical religion which relishes “mystery,” which is to say “not knowing.” It is quite Buddhist in that respect. I should note that I do not believe in Buddhism either; I have tasted too much of Krishnamurti in many respects. But, as exemplified in my previous posting to this blog, I do believe that there is power in Christianity and in prayer. It is the power of two thousand years of Christian belief in Christ, which has had the effect of creating something that has become actually real. I don’t believe it is mere coincidence or accident that my prayers “have been answered” numerous times over the years. I have seen results that would be called “miracles” and, to my mind, were miracles. Theosophists would say that such faith and belief over so long became thoughtforms that were literally brought to life. Almost in spite of my rational mind and even my zen non-belief in such things, I also hold true that that what happens is “meant to happen”; so that one may make choices and learn and evolve. My ultimate view is that “I” can both “contain” and “be” these seemingly contradicting forces and truths simultaneously. I don’t see it as one or the other but as both, or, in reality, as many. I have experienced and simply know too much to view it otherwise. This is not to boast. Sometimes one has not the choice to ignore, which is to say, be ignorant. And this is not to say that I do not know that I am ignorant. What I say here may sound like I am a very confused person, but in fact I’m not. In fact I make total sense. And I put this all in my blog here because it may serve the function of bringing clarity or even accuracy to someone, even if that someone be just me.