Since I was a child I every so often, after watching people on the street living their lives, asked myself, "Am I actually one of these?" It's not that I ever saw or imagined myself to be from another planet or even of another species; I just marveled that I could be one of these human beings, or even inhabiting a human body. I have always simply wanted human beings to be humane, which is to say, aware of, even caring for, others than only themselves. I was always so struck by their loudness, gracelessness, crudeness, obliviousness, and insensitivity. I am aware that so much of this simply is part and parcel of the deteriorating physicality of the species in itself, but there is also the utter need to escape from the weltschmerz, Schopenhauer's term, for the "world sorrow," the "world pain." But I am digressing into philosophical tangents.
I have often felt, since childhood, that the body, though beautiful in so many ways, is just disgusting. True, in my hedonistic hippie days, when the body was to be literally worshipped, I was most devoutly religious in that respect. However, I still saw us humans as fancy worms. I found myself to be a firm believer in the notion of the spirit-within-flesh, quite imprisoned, and having to learn all about this incarnational descent to be culminated in ascent to spirit, over numerous lifetimes. I definitely took to the Gnostic notion of the profound difficulty of disidentifying with the flesh, no matter how deep the "true spiritual understanding." Such "transcending" based upon one's ability to "transmute" was far easier said than done. Of course, being taught in Catholic school of the "evil" and "sinfulness" of the body did much to train my thinking along such lines.
At this point, it is obvious to me that the species seeks to survive by propagating itself, and that the survival instinct is inherently more powerful--and deeper--than any such "comprehension" anyone may have about "physical existence." However, it may be that, as one is able to come to "deeper" comprehension of what it is to be human, some kind of "transmutation" does occur. It could simply be that the species prefers to leave such tasks to those more capable of carrying it forward, that is, the young, and not the old. Though an elderly one may see himself as always youthful, there is still no fool like an old fool. One can perhaps remain youthful and creative in mind, but not in body, regardless of good health and stamina. Even trees know this.
I never know where these "conversations with myself" that I am sharing with a more or less non-existent audience will lead. This much is obvious to me anyway. They just "go where they go." I once got lost in the Los Padres National Forest, just south of the New Camaldoli Hermitage, and decided that I would follow a stream in the belief that it would "lead to the ocean." Instead, I followed a most-meandering stream for hours until it was almost dark, before I finally followed a deer path, climbed up the steep ridge, and saw the sun setting over the ocean. In other words, my meandering doesn't necessarily lead to any "greater context" whatsoever. I am definitely a seeker of Greater Context, but I think one must find "heaven on earth," before one can ever go to heaven. This is often enough like finding heaven in hell, but such is probably required, at least to my mind.
If I were an alien, I would report back to my superiors: "These human beings, as they are called, are most strange. They emit noises from their upper orifice and refer to it as 'communication.' It is most cacaphonous, shrill, unharmonious, and often violent. Whereas the noises they release from their lower orifice tends to be deep, resonant, and pleasant, though they complain of the odor and find it to be 'offensive.' I believe it would behoove them to change their mode of interaction." I have yet to discover what planet or galaxy I come from.
I have often felt, since childhood, that the body, though beautiful in so many ways, is just disgusting. True, in my hedonistic hippie days, when the body was to be literally worshipped, I was most devoutly religious in that respect. However, I still saw us humans as fancy worms. I found myself to be a firm believer in the notion of the spirit-within-flesh, quite imprisoned, and having to learn all about this incarnational descent to be culminated in ascent to spirit, over numerous lifetimes. I definitely took to the Gnostic notion of the profound difficulty of disidentifying with the flesh, no matter how deep the "true spiritual understanding." Such "transcending" based upon one's ability to "transmute" was far easier said than done. Of course, being taught in Catholic school of the "evil" and "sinfulness" of the body did much to train my thinking along such lines.
At this point, it is obvious to me that the species seeks to survive by propagating itself, and that the survival instinct is inherently more powerful--and deeper--than any such "comprehension" anyone may have about "physical existence." However, it may be that, as one is able to come to "deeper" comprehension of what it is to be human, some kind of "transmutation" does occur. It could simply be that the species prefers to leave such tasks to those more capable of carrying it forward, that is, the young, and not the old. Though an elderly one may see himself as always youthful, there is still no fool like an old fool. One can perhaps remain youthful and creative in mind, but not in body, regardless of good health and stamina. Even trees know this.
I never know where these "conversations with myself" that I am sharing with a more or less non-existent audience will lead. This much is obvious to me anyway. They just "go where they go." I once got lost in the Los Padres National Forest, just south of the New Camaldoli Hermitage, and decided that I would follow a stream in the belief that it would "lead to the ocean." Instead, I followed a most-meandering stream for hours until it was almost dark, before I finally followed a deer path, climbed up the steep ridge, and saw the sun setting over the ocean. In other words, my meandering doesn't necessarily lead to any "greater context" whatsoever. I am definitely a seeker of Greater Context, but I think one must find "heaven on earth," before one can ever go to heaven. This is often enough like finding heaven in hell, but such is probably required, at least to my mind.
If I were an alien, I would report back to my superiors: "These human beings, as they are called, are most strange. They emit noises from their upper orifice and refer to it as 'communication.' It is most cacaphonous, shrill, unharmonious, and often violent. Whereas the noises they release from their lower orifice tends to be deep, resonant, and pleasant, though they complain of the odor and find it to be 'offensive.' I believe it would behoove them to change their mode of interaction." I have yet to discover what planet or galaxy I come from.
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