THE OTHER SIDE OF CONTEXT

Previously I spoke of the necessity of “finding context” for oneself, noting that we are “lost” until we “find a center to ourselves,” a place in which we belong and in which we are “safe.” Context, in itself, may internal and/or external, that is, we may have it “within” ourselves and/or find “belonging” outside of ourselves. Some of us attain an internal context while never finding an external one, while others find an external context, such as religious group, nation, “cause,” etc., without ever having an internal one. Of course it is probably best if one can attain to both contexts, though external contexts change over time rather too quickly and radically at times, while internal contexts may also change as we change in our self-interpretations and worldview. While “having a context” is utterly important if one is to have a “ground of being” within oneself and a “place” in one’s community, if such a context is in fact false, we have a problem with and in our very existence and being. People may collectively choose a religious or a political context for themselves which leads to their individual and collective destruction due to its inherent falseness and unreality, as when the Germans elected Hitler as their leader in the 1930s. Individuals may also interpret their own “true feelings and insights” incorrectly, for instance, if they have a belief that God does or God doesn’t exist, or the body is good or the body is evil, or people of a different race are a threat or are also human and can be trusted as such. Thus, a wrong context can lead us to personal and/or collective disaster, as evidenced throughout history.

          In my blog, Metaphysical Forces in Flux: What on Earth Is Happening? (metaphysicalforcesinplay.blogspot.com), I asked a question of the Yijing (I Ching), the ancient Chinese oracle, which I have studied and worked with over the last fifty years. I would like to be able to provide the history of this oracle system with its 4096 possible permutations that occur in the moment and movement of time but will resist in this moment. On October 28, 2016, I specifically asked: “What is happening in the world at this juncture in time?” I posed this question with a desire to understand what was occurring politically and socially in the United States, given the upcoming presidential election. Normally I tend to ask questions relating to my own life but this was more of a collectively-focused question. The response was telling. Rather than interpreting it myself, I will convey the actual words of the text, The Taoist I Ching translated by Thomas Cleary, both quoted and somewhat paraphrased. As you read, consider it a response to the circumstances of the presidential election process that had been continuing for eighteen months. My minor comments are in brackets. I have italicized sections that are worthy of note. I would hope that the reader will draw his or her own conclusions.

          First, the “current moment” is presented. Hexagram (or gua) 32: Constancy. Long persistence. Thunder, active, above, wind, penetrating, below. Acting gently as the breeze, active yet serene, neither identifying nor detaching, the mind steadfast and the will far-reaching, therefore constancy. This is genuine application in real practice. Following upon the previous hexagram fire, or illuminating the inward and the outward, aiming at profound attainment of personal realization, so that illumination is all-pervasive. But this is not possible without a constant mind, which means single-mindedly applying the will, the longer the stronger, not slacking off. Thereby one may comprehend essence and life, revealing a path of development. [18 months of campaigning definitely demonstrates “constancy.”] However, constancy must be correct; abandoning the real and entering into the false is not developmental and is faulty. Blind practitioners in the world go into deviant paths, taking what is wrong to be right, aggrandizing themselves, boasting of their practices and cultivating vain reputations, striving all their lives without ever awakening; most assuredly capable of constancy but constant in aberrated paths, not in the right path. To seek eternal life in this way hastens death; when your time is up, you will have no way out and cannot escape the blame. Therefore correctness is necessary. Even correctness is only possible through constant practice of what is correct. What is correct is the true principle, which is the Tao of body and mind, essence and life. This path appropriates yin and yang (or negative and positive), takes over creation, sheds birth and death, escapes compulsive routine. It requires flexible, gentle, gradual advance, ascending from low to high, going from shallow to deep, step by step treading in the realm of reality; only then can it be effective. A great affair which endures long unchanging requires great work that endures long unceasing before it can be achieved. The constancy that is beneficial if correct is the constancy that is beneficial if it is going somewhere. But if you want to practice what is right, first you must know what is right, investigating truth, reaching the basis of essence, thereby arriving at the universal order. The work of comprehending essence and arriving at the universal order of life is all a matter of thoroughly penetrating truth.

          Next, there are the “moving lines” which denote changes that are occurring and will occur or are recommended to occur before the final “outcome” hexagram. They are in chronological order. As the “current situation” hexagram, the parallel and correspondence to that of the presidential election is, to my mind, uncanny, and evident enough:

Moving Line 1. Deep constancy; fidelity brings misfortune. If one does not distinguish right from wrong, one enters deeply into false ideas so that they persist extensively. If one plunges in deeply without clearly understanding true principle, even if one wants to seek what is right, on the contrary one will bring on misfortune.  [This occurrence can pertain to both leader and followers.]

Moving Line 3. If one is not constant in virtue, one may be shamed; even if right, one is humiliated. One may be strong and correct and determined in practice of the Tao, but if strength is not balanced and one is in a hurry to achieve attainment, one may advance keenly yet regress rapidly, thus not being constant in virtue, and shaming oneself. What is the shame? It is the shame of setting the heart on virtue but not being able to be constant in virtue, setting the will on right yet being unable to constantly practice what is right. Following the path in practice yet giving up, even though one is correctly oriented, one is humiliated. [I would say that we have seen this occurrence come to pass.]

Moving Line 4. No field, no game. When strength is in the body of action, the time is for doing, like having fields to plow. If one dwells in a position of weakness, the will inactive, constantly embracing the Tao but unable to put it into practice, is like empty fields. This is constancy without action.

Moving Line 6. Constancy of excitement is bad. Thinking one has what one lacks, that one is fulfilled when one is really empty and aggrandizing oneself, concerned with oneself and ignoring others, is called constancy of excitement. With constant excitement, the culmination of aggrandizement is inevitably followed by ruin, the culmination of elevation is inevitably followed by a fall. Ultimately one winds up being destroyed. This is constancy fooling oneself and bringing on misfortune. The proper way was never taken. [It seems that the “fall” with its “ruin” and “misfortune” are yet to happen, however, they are foretold.]

This is followed by the “outcome,” the hexagram that follows from the current situation and the changes it holds:

Hexagram 41: Reduction. Diminishing excess. Above, still, mountain; below, joyous, lake. Having something to rejoice over, yet immediately stilling it; by stilling the joy there is no errant thought. Strength and flexibility are balanced, emptiness and fullness are in accord; strength does not become rambunctious, flexibility does not become weakness. Reduction is therefore diminishing what is excessive, adding to what is insufficient. This is the existence of increase within reduction. Previous to this is halting, in which one can stop where there is danger, preserving the primordial Tao in the midst of the temporal, which requires the removal of acquired conditioning [which is social and cultural belief that has been “learned”], i.e., traveling the path of reduction. Reduction as a path means not following desires but stopping desires; many people cannot be sincere in it, and if one is not sincere, one cannot finish what is started, will fail, and will also bring on blame. Whereas if one can be sincere, every thought is true; sincerity of mind naturally shows in action. Good fortune comes even though one does not try to bring it about. However, such sincerity must be correct, such reduction must be correct. People in the world who contemplate voidness, stick to quietude, forget about people, forget about their own bodies, and go on like this all their lives without change, are certainly sincere about reduction, but they are faithful to what they should not be faithful to, and reduce what they should not reduce—thus there is decrease with increase, which is still faulty. So if one can be correct in sincerity in reduction, discern whether it is right or wrong, whether it is false or true, understand it in the mind and prove it in actual events to the benefit of all. Actual practice in real life is most important, to finish what has been started. As long as one has not yet reached the serene, equanimous realm of the middle way, work cannot be stopped; one must daily reduce for the sake of the Tao, daily increasing one’s accomplishment. When strength and flexibility are balanced, there is flexibility in strength and strength in flexibility; strength and flexibility are as one. One has gone back to the origin; the spiritual embryo takes on form, and from this one receives the bliss of freedom and nonstriving. One’s fate now depends on oneself, not on heaven. Be sincere in reduction, and within reduction there is increase. This is no small matter. [The “serene, equanimous realm of the middle way” in which there is “balance” between “flexibility” and “strength” is the kind of reality that is seen as our future.]

I felt compelled to present the oracular view of “context,” both as truth and as untruth. Now, how do we find real, true, “correct” context? Reality and Truth, that in which we seek “live and move and have our being,” are most elusive, though not illusive. To see it, we must be it. there have been many people throughout history who have given themselves to this quest for reality and truth. I am aware of the sentence in the preceding hexagram: One’s fate now depends on oneself, not on heaven. There is a Tibetan Buddhist chant: Om mani padme hum. It was translated to me as “You hold the lotus in your hand,” which can be taken to mean that we contain our fate, or at least an aspect of it, within ourselves. Our fate lies within our hands. Like “God” or “the universe,” it is not just “out there”; it is also “in here,” within ourselves, even as we are within it.

TO BE CONTINUED

An excerpt from my book-in-progress, Understanding the Dilemma of Human Existence

I began questioning what I had assumed to be reality at the age of seven. At that point I wasn’t so aware of a dilemma involved in human existence or that any particular choices were to be made. My awareness was one of recognition of other dimensions of existence, beyond that which I had understood to be real. In addition the different reality of other people and how they affected me became very apparent. Three events occurred that affected me deeply, causing me to want to know and to understand what life was all about and who was I in it.

             First, after moving into a “new” house in Albany, New York, in 1954, I awakened one night to see the figure of a man standing at the bottom of my bed looking down at me. He was very tall and wore a dark pin-striped three-piece suit. His head was tilted to the right in an extreme angle, his tongue hung out of his mouth to the side, his eyes protruded like a frog’s, and his arms hung limply at his sides. I was so horrified that I was paralyzed, unable to utter a sound or to move. A few nights later, the man returned, but not visually; rather, as an invisible presence with a soft voice. He apologized for frightening me, for he realized quickly the effect of his visual presence upon me. In time, he became my friend and close companion, returning almost every night for probably two years. We talked and discussed many philosophical points about life and living and what it was to be human. He also comforted me when I was in pain. Much later in my life, when I was twenty-one, I was motivated to research in the local newspaper, the Times-Union, and found an obituary and a short news article about a man who had committed suicide at the house I moved into with my family, six months before we moved in. He was a banker whose wife and children had left him because he drank too much. One day he came home and hung himself in what probably was his bedroom, now my bedroom. He was very sad but very kind and knowledgeable. I never told anyone about him until I was twenty-one. When I finally told my mother, she was aghast, and asked, “How did you find out?” That is another story I will tell in due time.

             Second, my father, who was a decorated World War Two “hero,” and who had been in the Medical Core, serving on D-Day at Normandy Beach and in the Ardennes Forest in the “Battle of the Bulge,” had been through the profound horrors and confusion of war, and, though undiagnosed (as was the norm for most returning veterans from that war in those times) probably suffered by PTSD. He often saw me as a “defiant child,” though I probably suffered from a degree of autism as a result of being born six weeks premature. I exhibited various signs of autism and was slow to develop verbally and auditorily; in other words, I didn’t hear adequately and therefore was slow to respond, thus seeming “defiant.” My father lost patience of my “defiance” and began taking a belt to my back, not stopping until he was either too exhausted or he drew blood. At these times, which were extremely frightening and painful to me, I couldn’t understand why he was doing this to me. I knew he loved me and could not comprehend why he was doing this. In time, though, I did understand. I would see in my mind bloody, deafening, explosive battlefields in which men were dying and bodies and parts of bodies were strewn upon the ground. I felt absolute fear and confusion and paralysis. I wondered why I was having these thoughts and then I realized that I was seeing into my father’s mind, into his thoughts. I also realized that in his mind he was on that battlefield that I was seeing and reacting to. I understood that my father was “somewhere else” when he beat me. This didn’t lessen the physical pain or damage but it did diminish my inability to understand what was happening with him. And though I had an understanding, I still harbored much resentment that he somewhere within himself chose to take his rage out on me, his small child. I realized that other people, even if they loved you, were capable of utmost cruelty. At these times, I would try to flee into the safety of my bedroom closet, where my mother kept her fur coats hung upon hangers but reaching down to the floor. I would curl up in the fur coats like a small wounded animal. My friend, the “ghost in my room,” would talk to me at these times and console me, telling me that my father was a “victim of war,” that I should forgive him, that I was “good,” and would “get through it and be ok.”

             Third, in the fall of 1954, I got very sick, probably with a flu, though I’m not sure what it was. I lay in my bed in my room gazing out the window at a cold, orange sunset. I had a very high fever. As I lay on my left side, looking upon my body covered by a blanket, I saw a mountain range in the setting sun. As I watched, clouds came and enveloped the mountains, pouring down endless rain for an eternity, after which the mountains were totally washed away. I lay there now seeing nothing where my body had been. An eternity had passed and my body no longer existed. Even my ability to “see” had vanished and I found myself in a state that was without any senses except an awareness of self. I assumed it must be “my” self.

             Who is to say what causes a person to “question existence”? Each of us has his or her own causes, reasonable or unreasonable, conscious or unconscious. There is much that has occurred during my life that has led me in many directions. I have thus sought to “understand the dilemma of human existence,” for I do see that the many directions offer many choices, or even just two choices, both of which must be understood to be co-existent. It may be possible to “transcend” physical existence while living in a human body, and to do so makes a certain definite sense, however, such an “achievement” may be “pure nonsense.” I have been living in this question ever since I arrived at the “age of guilt,” a result of Roman Catholicism indoctrination during my childhood. Even beyond religious teaching and belief, the issue of “spirit vs. matter” is certainly ancient and modern, without solution, but understandable in its paradox and irony. In due time I will get to its gnostic roots and the damage done to the human psyche. But damage without destruction may be seen as evolutionary change. If one believes that what happens is “meant” to happen, that omens are not necessarily ominous, and that each of us is part of and integral to our own fate, then one may learn to be able to ride upon the “horns” of the dilemma of being human.

I am writing this in what is to be book form because I do not believe that electronic transmission will be permanent but will, sooner or later, abruptly end. At that point we humans may all abruptly end, but, if not, someone may read my book and find something of value in it that might aid him or her in the living of their life. I want to “leave something” of what I have learned in this life and this is one way to do it. There are other additional ways, such as living by kind and loving example. In this book there is a smattering of knowledge, including cultural and philosophical correspondences, some of which seem to be beyond what is generally or even specifically known, at least as far as I know. There is some “tongue in cheek” in my writing, which is my way of expressing my particular anecdote: “Too much irony makes one overwrought.” If one person smiles, it will all have been worth it. If one laughs, I get my wings. My references indicate my age and generation: old.

             Much of this book is taken from my journals and from essays and “putting together of information” I’ve written over the years, arranged by different themes and topics. All of it relates to “understanding the dilemma of human existence.” What else is there, anyway? I will try to provide connection and explanation when it seems necessary, and may become quite tangential at times, as the spirit moves me. I will also let the spirit speak whenever possible. I might just as well have asked, “What is real?” or “Who am I?” We each have our own questions that come to us and for which we seek to understand an answer. And, while it may be quite true that legions of people do not question at all, preferring to avoid all discomfort and to believe contexts presented to them, be they business or religion or sheer survival, are able and willing to contort themselves to fit and to belong without question or even apparent awareness, these are those many others who find themselves unable and unwilling to do so.

             In my own life I have always tended to write down these choices made to not fit in and often the pain involved as a result of not being part and parcel of the “world,” that is, of the way in which life is “expected to be lived” by the greater majority. Some of us are aided in our eventual understanding of such a situation by what happens to us in life that is seemingly much beyond our control. For instance, I refer to my own premature birth “forced” upon me by my mother slipping on icy stairs, “breaking her water,” thus forced against the time of nature itself, to bear her baby six weeks early. From the beginning, then, I was not quite “normal” and spent the first two months of my life in an “incubator,” a small container with a light bulb for warmth used to hatch motherless chickens. I was so small and frail, for my father chain-smoked as well, that I was not touched or held except by nurses when they changed my linens and diapers. “Human touch” was infrequent and without love, warmth, or gentleness. Physical touch became overwhelming, uncomfortable, and even painful to me. I squirmed like an animal to get away, kicking and screaming and flailing; in time, people were not intimate with me and I felt safe though always alone, always different. Then, thirty-four years later, when my daughter, Sarah, exhibited signs of profound autism at two or three months, I understood how that was for her, and she understood that I understood. A very close bond was formed between us. I kept a detailed record of my own thoughts and feelings and still do almost thirty-five years later.

             I have also always read different sources, particularly of philosophy, religion, and history so that I might have some kind of understanding of what human beings have to say about themselves, their lives, and their worlds. I have sought to see what they have done and how they acted throughout history all over the world. Their thoughts over time and their consequent actions taught me much about what it means to be human, both for better and for worse. Much of what I have read has resonated closely with me, had “spoken” to me clearly, and has explained, in some respects, not only how I “hold” the world or “see” it, but why whole cultures have come to do what they have done and why they still hold such views of God, themselves, and humanity. For we are not so separate as we may think we are; we actually operate as a whole, especially now with the technology of the internet which provides an immediacy without time or space to give us a chance to weigh and to think, to reason. Much of what I include in this book is a result of my thoughts, some with particular purposes to bring new thoughts or evidence to light especially to specific audiences. There is much here that therefore sounds rather “academic,” containing footnotes and sources for the quotes I use. If, in my reading, I find that someone else has come quite close to articulating my own thoughts or something quite close to them, I have no problem in letting them do much of the speaking for me. Sometimes they are so well-spoken, in fact, that it would be a disservice to them for me to even attempt to paraphrase them. And the fact is that I find myself “in” various historical views and even in those who spoke them, as if I actually were the person who articulated them. I do not quite know just what will be included in this book, but whatever lends itself to an “understanding of the dilemma of being human or of human existence” is apropos. For, if something “speaks” to me, it may speak to another as well. The beauty that I am fortunate to be able to see may possibly be seen by another. The questions and needs that well up from my own soul and my own heart may very well reflect those of others, just as the questions of the most ancient philosophers are questions that I too have asked before I ever even knew of them.

             My writings here, then, will cover a spectrum of that which is quite personal, such as my own life, to that which is very abstract, such as my philosophical thoughts on cosmological topics. Some will be paraphrased renditions, primarily through the use of quotes, of various historical narratives or overweening points of view, such as the fascinating mythologies of the various Gnostic schools of early Christianity and from what they are derived. For, to understand the reasons how things are now and the foundations from which they arose does provide an understanding of current human nature and thought which is utterly vital if we are to survive and even thrive in our current world. The primary cause of the problems humanity is faced with throughout the world is a lack of historical and therefore foundational awareness. Those who do not know history are bound to repeat it in their overweening ignorance. To know history is to know oneself.

Central to this desire and need to understand this “dilemma of human existence” is the need for context, for a context for ourselves in which we may “belong” and thus “be a part of life.” Without context, we are lost; we do not even know what we are, much less who we are, or even why we are. Context most often takes the form of a story of ourselves in some way. It may be a story of our “people,” our race, our religion, our society, our nation, our family, or it may be more individualized into a story of “my spirituality,” my relationship with the universe, with God or gods, with the earth, with my “true nature.” And so we may spend our lives searching for stories, for cosmologies, that “resonate” with us, that “speak” to us, in which we can find ourselves. We may, in fact, discover many such stories that, themselves, overlap in so many ways, with us able to find a bit of ourselves in each and consequently coagulating them all into a still greater story, a still greater context and place of belongingness in which we are able to exist as we are, though still always searching for still greater boundaries. It is similar to Siddhartha moving from one guru to the next, absorbing what each teaches and presents, but then having to discover the next guru with the greater teaching. Each time he is filled to the brim and realizes that reality is bigger and more inclusive than he has been able to hold; he must consequently expand himself, his own reality to be able to contain that which is to come. I have gone to many religions, many philosophies, many ways of seeing, many experiences of being, often enough then returning, able to traverse a higher spiral of that particular story, and noticing that, at a certain point, the stories become much more entwined in the same spiral. The Gnostics present incredible “creation” stories, differing according to the main schools, but with quite similar results. The Plato-Christian stories, though different in the telling, also have quite similar worldviews and virtue. The Buddhist and Hindu and Daoist are not so different from the Plato-Christian, though they are utterly different in their telling and even in their conclusions. Then, of course, there are the philosophers and the mystics who also skirt and parallel the religious correspondences. Their various “movements,” from those of Blavatsky and Bailey, to Krishnamurti and Steiner are fascinating and amazing, all as sparks of intelligence and great heart permeating all existence. They all sit with me here in my library, waiting patiently to “hold company” with me, weighing the issues closest to the human heart and its existence with the human soul and divine spirit in the same body. If people but knew what they had to convey of their own experiences and their understanding and interpretation of that experience, they would not be the same. I am not the same. The gods and the God have spoken and continue to speak, but we do not believe that we can hear them any longer, and so we do not listen. But I have listened and, in the most profane and prosaic moment, have heard. It is not so much what they say but the fact that we realize that they have spoken to us; that they, as the ancient Greek “pagans” and Christians believed, walk amongst us still. Such realities, which we now hold to be more “sentiments” than truth, are noted in the NT, as when Christ says, “You shall find me in the very least of my brethren.” He is being both metaphorical and literal, which is exactly how both the Greek “pagans” and Christians believed that the statues or images of the gods and of God were “alive” with the presence of the god and God. Such statues were placed in locations where not only could they be visited by people, but where they could walk, frolic, make love, and otherwise romp in the absence of human beings.

             

CONSEQUENCES OF ONENESS: COMPASSION AND "WELTSCHMERZ"

I mentioned in my previous blog the "oneness" with all other people that I sometimes experience and believe to be our true nature. I did not mention that there is a consequence, a result, of this, or how this awareness may have come about in my life. I'll speak of the latter first. Up until 1982, I had pretty much been able to compartmentalize my life, keeping it more or less quite separate from those of others, pursuing my own challenges and goals, though also being able to maintain a marriage relationship. I had been able to "live in my own little world" and also in society well enough. Then my daughter was born with profound autism which manifested a few weeks after her seemingly "normal" birth. This had the effect of breaking down the walls I had constructed around myself over time to keep me "safe from the world" by holding it at "arm's length" away from myself. To use another term, when I realized that my daughter would never be able to "have her own life" (as I saw it then) and would always be "trapped" within herself (as I believed then), my "heart broke." I believe that this is what happens with all parents whose children have "profound disabilities," whether or not they acknowledge it. However, something else happened: the psychic "walls" that had protected me from the painful invasiveness of the world, of reality, came crumbling down. I found that I "felt" other people on a very deep level within myself, as if they were, in fact, me. I "become one" with everyone else; I was no longer able to compartmentalize myself as I had. I had compassion and understanding actively developing within myself. 

But such compassion and understanding, such a sense of oneness with others, also has its natural consequences. Schopenaur, the nineteenth-century German philosopher, coined the word weltschmerz, meaning "sorrow or pain of the world," which he said he could feel in his own cells, which came with his own sense of "oneness with others." If one has this sense and experience of merging with the other, you have no choice but of knowing what they are feeling, and also of feeling it within yourself. I believe that this pain and sorrow is the human condition itself, that is, that it arises simply from being born in a physical body. Even as a young child I felt that it was not "natural" for me to be in this body and that I belonged in and came from a place not physical at all. Being in a body has always seemed awkward and inappropriate on some deep level. As I got older and read various "stories" or myths or cosmologies, I understood more on why I felt as I did: I was a non-physical "spirit" who had been "born" into a body, into the material world. I was not as I "should" be; I was a "stranger in a strange land." I was very slowly making my way back, through being born into physical bodies in life after life, to my "original, pure nature." And this is true of everyone, regardless of their beliefs about it. I saw its correspondences in the natural world; everything is regenerated and evolving. Thus, it is "natural" for human beings to feel that "something is missing" or that they are not as they are meant to be; they do not feel "whole" because they are not in their "true form," but rather in a material body that is destined to deteriorate and die. And they must learn to dis-identify with their material, worldly existence and to identify with their non-material, transcendent being. Interestingly, this was an essential teaching of Roman Catholicism, though, when I was a child, it also taught that "the flesh" was a "temptation" in its pleasures, including the Gnostic notion that it was "evil" to "give in to carnal desires." What I see now is that the "Roman" part of Catholicism actually loves the body and sees it as "good", as God's good creation, as it were (which is more or less reflected in Aquinas), whereas the Gnostic part of Catholicism (as reflected in Augustine, Paul, and later, in Calvinism) in which the body and all creation is seen as "false" and "illusory" (much like the "maya" of Hinduism). It's not that sex is "evil," rather, it's that to identify with the body is simply false, for the body, by its very nature, dies, and if we are identified with it upon death, rather than with the non-physical "spiritual" aspect of ourselves, in which we find ourselves upon death, we have what amounts to a rather hellish problem that demands that we purge ourselves of our false identity with the transitory physical existence. Practically-speaking, if one is planning to climb a mountain, one prepares in so many ways, from packing oxygen to wearing warm clothing. When leaving the body at death, one prepares for the non-physical existence. I am being overly simplistic here in order to clearly convey the basic idea.

Sometimes I "go off in tangents" as they present themselves to me, and perhaps never return to the "original point." Such is life. When I walk in the redwood forest, I have sometimes found myself following deer trails far off the main path. Must I have a "deer mind" to be able to do this? No. However, it just may be that at a certain moment I am "possessed" by a "deer mind" and consequently compelled to follow the deer trail. It is also perhaps the curiosity of the hunter (though I've never hunted and have no desire to kill animals) that leads me. When I was much younger I purposely followed deer trails, almost as a tracker, and surprised many a grazing deer herd, some of which fled and some of which, apparently not seeing me as a threat, kept grazing as if I were not there. A good part of my reason for being in nature is to "not be there" in that way. It relates also to "not leaving a carbon footprint." Such "invisibility" amounts to the Hindu virtue of ahimsa ("harmlessness").

THE IMPORTANCE OF FINDING CONTEXT IN WHICH TO EXIST

It may not be a bad thing that reality has become so completely relative, though it could very possibly destroy civilization. Technology now makes this possible, for things happen everywhere immediately, no longer separated and held intact by time and space. When any semblance of "truth" is no longer credible, people no longer know what to believe or what to hold on to as "real." There is no greater context in which to safely exist or belong, or even to prove that we do exist. Over time we have lost touch with our own "inner truth," which is not really so inner at all but is what we have been taught and in what vein we have interpreted our own life experiences. Such events have occurred in history, such as when classic Greek worship of the gods was replaced with Christianity and when Christianity was affected by Gnosticism in the first few centuries. Civilization was altered. Doubt found its place. There are many reasons for this happening. The point is that cultural beliefs have "shifted" many times throughout history. And cultures have also been "lost." The classical Greek culture broke down so much that it lost its ability to write and read its own language. The Roman Empire disintegrated into feudal states. Civilization broke down--though it in due time appeared again in some form someplace else in the world.

As already noted, we all seek context, a place to belong and a sense of belonging, a state of self that both makes sense, can be readily found, and brings some kind of peace and safety, if not a semblance of control and order. I make assumptions that I believe are based in some kind of social reality as well as in some kind of spiritual reality. My life experiences, not surprisingly, seem to back up my beliefs, for I interpret them accordingly. I observe the culture and society in which I live and interpret it in "my" own way. As a child I was indoctrinated by Roman Catholicism through high school, though the Jesuit college I attended undoctrinated me in various ways. My "spiritual path" led to Buddhism in which I was briefly a Zen monk but practiced zazen for many years, to Theosophy and Hinduism and Daoism, to Indigenous religions, to LSD and other hallucinogens, to Gnosticism, to many mythological and cosmological systems, including the Greek, Middle Eastern, Asian, Nordic, etc., and back to a conglomeration of them all in which there are common threads with clues to escape the labyrinth of superficial existence. 

I have come to some conclusions, partly based in my own particular experiences and my own interpretations of them, and also in what others have taught or otherwise reported from many sources from ancient times to the present time. I do have a context, albeit an all too often lonely one, since it is not comprised of a group of worshippers or believers, but rather, of those who have had to trust their own understandings of their own experiences and who have learned to be reticent regarding such, not so much because that which they know is so "special" or "hidden" but simply because there is so little interest, and even less trust in their insight or credibility. Such things are utterly obvious but most people are simply oblivious, that is, could care less, proceeding on their merry way to Hell in a handbasket, as it were. I probably would if I could, but I can't. 

What I say can be found in much more articulate forms in many religions, philosophies, and literary sources, some of which I may quote now and then. I am quite aware that others have said what I will say, but also that I am compelled to say it in my own way and from my own experience which could be said to cover a large base. I know a little of everything and a lot of nothing. However, utilizing my original quote, "Too much irony makes one overwrought."

I am too often quite aware of "myself" as an awareness, a "spirit," contained in a physical body living a life at this moment on this planet in this universe. There are "reasons why" I am here but, at this point, they are beside the point. I am here in this body in this life to learn that this is not so real as it appears, that "I" am not so real as I appear, and that life is a test and a process of spiritual development in which we learn to extricate ourselves from the "worldly" levels of identification. In other words, physical life is a preparation for, a springboard to, the non-physical life that follows. And "I" have gone through many such physical lives, just as you have, whether you acknowledge it or not, or are aware of it or not. I have visceral memories of such lives and have been many different people, even as you have been. To me this is not conjecture or imagination or fantasy; it is vivid and graphic, and I remember people I knew then whom I have recognized in this life. We are here to make a difference, to change the world into a better place for all of us. That is what I am certain about. This notion of reincarnation is not the focus of what I am saying, however, it is the vehicle; it is the context. It is a ground of being, as it were, for ourselves, our many selves.

There is also the realization that we are each other. I know this sounds absurd, but my experience is that there is an awareness, a life, a being within me, that I share with other human beings. In a way it's that I know them: I feel them, I sense their very being as though it were my own, as though they are me and I am them. To put it in theological words, the divine spirit that is in me, that is me, is also in them. It is one life existing in many bodies. Sometimes I experience this oneness, this non-separateness, with others, even all others. Much of the time, like when I'm cursing at "stupid idiots" in traffic, I am not experiencing this oneness, but just the opposite. We're all "works in progress" that take numerous lives to do it until it's finally done. I don't want to get too philosophical or theological or psychological, that is, abstract at this point. To my mind I have so far not been abstract but as down to earth as possible. 

I don't think that people have to believe in reincarnation to have self-awareness or self-acceptance, however, I do think that people have to have some kind of greater context in which to "hold themselves," or else they cannot; life is just too much to be able to take into oneself. To recognize it as "process," as "being on the ride of your life," or as "learning how to be truly human" makes it more real and puts it all in the realm of possibility. "If not in this lifetime, then in the next." And I speak of goodness and love, not of hate and vengeance. The latter are false and go nowhere except down into pointless existence, theologically referred to as "Hell." In this blog I will tell you my own story at times, for it relates to the stories of others and it informs you of how I have been informed and thus say what I say. I am not seeking agreement; I am only seeking to somehow be able to be of some kind of service to another in the living of his or her life. And, I must admit that I am writing so that I myself might hear what I am saying and thus come to both understand myself more deeply and see myself as I am. For we are here in these bodies in these lives so that we may come to understand ourselves more deeply and to see ourselves as we are. In our becoming better human beings, the world itself becomes better for all.